nothing but water & time
Abalone Medicine Field Notes 01: Twenty Day Water Fast, 06.17.2023
I am finally getting around to telling the tale of my 20 day water fast. this article is longer than what I will usually post - I’ve been writing pieces of this one since last fall… something special for our solar eclipse✨
full circle.
Last June I set aside three weeks to do a pure water fast at home. The intention was to heal chronic digestive issues, take a personal spiritual retreat, and learn about this modality so I can help others.
In my late teens and early twenties I got into fasting, in the spirit of self-experimentation and a hunger for peak experiences. Even back then my digestion was off, but I wasn’t aware of it - although I was an athlete, I had no idea how to tune in to my body’s messages.
At age 21, I got deep into yoga, started to listen to my body, and was cured of issues I didn’t even know I had. My guts were still hurting, though, and I ended up in emergency gallbladder surgery at age 25 to remove a sparkly geode the size of a bay nut. I came to realize that lasting healing comes through moderation and deep inner listening - not extreme and rigid practices like fasting. A decade later, my studies of Chinese Medicine affirmed this, with its tenet of regular mealtimes to tend the Earth (digestion) and the sanctity of breakfast (Spleen time).
Fast forward 20 years to last summer, when I listened to a podcast about water fasting and heard powerful healing testimonials. Despite my earlier judgements, something in me said “you need to try this - now.” It was time to re-examine my philosophy about “slow medicine” vs heroic therapies and extremes. Because taking in nothing but water for three weeks felt extreme. And I felt inexplicably called to do it.
At the time, I was coming off a string of heavy events in my personal and family life. My psycho-spiritual being needed to shed some layers, and so did my body: in addition to my still-chronic gut issues, I had started to experience chronic joint pain, a stubborn skin issue, and random intense fatigue. My son was going to summer camp for three weeks, so I researched this facilitator’s work and then committed to a 21 day water fast with him as my experienced guide.
What attracts me most about water fasting is the simplicity. No herbal protocols, no expensive supplements - our bodies, pure spring water, and rest, are all we need to heal. It matches my view that humans are resilient and with the slightest nudge will move towards vitality and regeneration.
intentions.
My guide told me that the *minimum* to see really profound and lasting results is 21 days. It would be tight with our schedule, but I wanted to give the experience a proper chance, so I cleared my calendar. I heard stories of folks having 4 bowel movements daily after fasting, passing literally 50 pounds of rehydrated sludge that had been lingering in their guts for decades. Getting more energy, healing their eyesight, eliminating cancer, and overcoming all kinds of digestive ailments and pains. I took this with a grain of salt - everyone is different, and issues that have been around for decades are unlikely to vanish in a few weeks. A new body ecology takes time.
My hopes were to gain insight about my gut health; rehydrate and eliminate some intestinal plaque; clear my joint pain and resolve my skin issues. Through three weeks of stillness and quiet I hoped to metabolize the past few years of change in my personal life and gain some insight and wisdom. From a practitioner point of view, I wanted the firsthand experience about fasting as a therapeutic tool.
To prepare for the fast I cleared my calendar and notified family and friends that I would not be available for visiting, emailing, texting or calling for a few weeks, explaining my undertaking. My partner was my support, lifting 5 gallon water jugs and driving me to the post office or clinic, because driving was discouraged and potentially unsafe. I got a blood pressure monitor, bodyweight scale, food scale, thermometer and notebook. I stockpiled fresh wild spring water - I would not have the physical strength to chop wood and carry jugs once underway.
the pleasure of stopping.
The not-eating part was remarkably easy. After 20 years of never knowing what foods would set my system off, it was honestly a relief to take a break. I loved the feeling of quiet in my body when life moves so fast. After the first five days or so, my qi vanished, and even walking up a flight of stairs with my laptop bag was impossible without stopping for breaks to catch my breath. One of the hardest parts was not doing. I found myself pushing my energy to repot plants, or catch up on cleaning - it was so hard to not-do (one reason why people travel to retreat centers to do their fasting). The three weeks of relative stillness, working very minimally and doing ~almost~ nothing, was the most powerful medicine of all.
The fast was a sea change from my normal frenzy of cherished workaday roles (mother, practitioner, entrepreneur, partner, stepmum, homemaker, witch…). I took the advice of my guide and did not listen to audio or watch shows, nor read books or chat on the phone or type needless emails. My intent with the fast was to go into retreat and be with whatever arose. Even though I had to work a bit, the pause in do-ing was heaven, and unequivocally offered the reset I needed.
A fog of manic insanity was lifted and my shen (spirit) was suddenly in balance.
I quickly got clear on some important questions about my path as a parent, a practitioner and a human. This clarity continues to guide my daily compass a year later. There were no visions, no whispers from spirits, no altered states of consciousness… just a sweet, soft, expansive calm and peace. True mental wellness is a rare state in our modern times, and we don’t even know what we’re missing. Just by pausing I was suddenly well.
This is one reason why I shared a free fasting class, and why I guide people to design their own home retreats in my Embody Medicine Circles. It is precious and essential to get that birds-eye view on our default state of “doing”. To see how calm we can be, or how spun out we are.
I slept an average of 15 hours per day, including my many naps. It was lovely to rest. I began praying each morning, going to bed early, getting up with the sun. Having this slower pace allowed me to align with the rhythms of nature, and this happened without any effort or decision on my part. I remembered the little girl Alison who used to wake before anyone else in our house, as dawn was just breaking, and watch the crows in the pines. Returning to this rhythm was soul-healing. Now, back in hustle-mode, I’ve integrated traces of that natural rhythm - deconditioning is slow, but so possible.
I also wrote letters, which felt luxurious… I so love writing letters. I wrote to my son at camp every day. I wrote to my mom, who always sends the sweetest vignettes and most artistic cards. I wrote to my dad, who, when he learned I was fasting, sent me the audio book, “The Oldest Cure in the World”, full of fascinating medical anecdotes evidencing that fasting is a powerful curative and spiritual tool.
During my fast I found myself fantasizing about creating beautiful meals full of color, spices, aromas and flavors. I was flooded with daydreams of Thai food. I set an intention to start cooking elaborate, aromatic and healing Sunday family meals, and bring friends around to share. I got some beautiful cookbooks. This dream will have to wait for a day when our life slows down, but my elaborate food fantasies gave me a glimpse of another timeless human rhythm - a celebration around food that I had completely lost. There had been so many years where eating caused my body so much physical distress… I had turned away from the pleasure and beauty of food. Now the love was back.
In the later days of my fast I was moved by the sweetness of my shen. I had so little qi, everything took intention and energy - standing up, lifting a water glass. Talking. Everything slowed down, became delicate, precious, refined. The subtle layer of irritation that comes from powering through all the lists and days and responsibilities - just evaporated. I was in a soft and feminine energetic state. I was more patient. My tolerance expanded. My heart was less guarded and more raw, I was feeling more. It touched a deep seed in me, a version of myself where the burly Qi that supports energetic toughness and motion, was sublimated.
I am blessed to be a mother and to do work that I love professionally - and modern life feels hectic and scattered. Breaking the patterns of colonial tithing and clock-time is a multi-generational project of dedication and patience. Being in balance and at peace should be a birthright; and yet our courageous claims on our wholeness need to be met with radical devotion and divine privilege. I pray for more of both, for all of us human creatures.
hydration
It was really, surprisingly hard to drink water. My guide was just as adamant about water consumption as he was about no food for 21 days. He emphasized the importance of high quality water, which I was already tracking after discovering the work of Isabel Friend. He recommended at least 4-5 liters of water per day, and more if I was thirsty for it - which I was! Even though I was ostensibly lying around doing nothing, 5 liters per day barely touched my thirst. I was so. thirsty. I had recently been up near Shasta so I was blessed to harvest of 25 gallons of pure wild spring water from that sacred mountain, to take me through the whole fast. I felt like I was constantly sipping (very important not to chug) and just couldn’t get enough.
I tracked the changes in my tongue throughout.The tongue is a major source of information about our insides. It was mind-blowing to watch the evolution… at first my tongue was really dry… then some intense red spots showed up on the sides (Liver/Gall Bladder area). Then the spots darkened, then cleared by spreading and fading. And then I had, for a moment, a glorious well-hydrated tongue… and then again some thicker coat showed up, and then more dehydration and dryness. My guide told me he had never seen anyone track their tongue in his program before, but his explanation was this: I was re-hydrating all the dried, cooked-on plaque in my guts, and so it began circulating back into my blood. My body was getting into deeper healing work and clearing layers of old pains and lodged injury. My tongue was expressing the waves.
After drinking all that water, my skin started to look better, I had less wrinkles, my muscle tissue were softer and more pliable. I was less stiff. My fingernails got harder. My eyes were more clear. I was able to take deep breaths without coughing or tightness - I hadn’t even realized I had tightness in my chest. My joint pain vanished. My dreams got vivid & portentious.
Also, I was low-level nauseous a lot. Lots of emotions coming up and out. Strange pains arriving, intensifying, and then clearing. I seemed to detox through my menstrual blood, which took on new qualities.
After 2 weeks, I suddenly had an even harder time drinking water. It started to make me really nauseous. My tongue developed a thick white coat (signifies damp and cold). I got dehydrated again. My guide told me this was normal as I went into deeper detoxification, and that I must drink more in small sips - I was down to 3 or 4 Liters daily, from 6 or 7. At that point, it was physical labor to drink that much, but I tried. I also began having to pee really urgently and frequently.
I applied my Chinese medical thinking and realized, I had started out by drinking warm water, which my body adores. When the weather warmed up I got lazy and stopped warming my water, but room temperature was chilly. Classic symptoms of a Cold Spleen are frequent, copious urination, feeling cold, nausea... it was exciting to experience a new Chinese medical pattern so precisely. I switched back to warm water and felt a bit better - but it was still hard to drink.
I came to realize that along with the benefits I was experiencing, the fast was also seriously weakening my Spleen and digestive fire. I trusted I could rebuild, but it occurred to me that it is important to design protocols based on each person’s constitution - for me, only warm water! My upcoming free fasting class is a start.
caffeine.
The first few days I had a headache of withdrawal from my usual all-day drip of strong puerh. Once I fully cleared the caffeine, I kept it clear for months after my fast was over. I had much more energy when I was not using any caffeine. That too has faded as I have leaned into matcha and chai in order to ride the waves of my ultra-busy pace again. But something small has stayed - my tea is weaker, and I only drink it in the morning, not all day long.
You who come to Abalone might have noticed that I won’t tell you to give up coffee. I encourage you to explore for yourself what the truth is for your body in its unique relationship to any food, medicine, lifestyle practice - anything. Not everyone will have my sensitivity to the effects of tea. Lifestyle change should happen from within, and feel inspiring and pleasurable!
One of the greatest acts of revolution and resilience-building for these times of collapse and rebirth is to learn to tune out the noise, and to tune in to our bodies and the natural world. Trust what you find. And navigate from there.
measuring vitals.
I took blood pressure, weight, and body temperature each day. I also logged liters of water consumed, bowel movements, dreams, hours of sleep, symptoms and tongue quality, which were all helpful and interesting to look back at now. My blood pressure and thermometer instruments weren’t that accurate - so I stopped paying attention to them in favor of listening and observing my body and mind.
Weight loss was not a goal of my fast, but it was fascinating how quickly and steadily I lost weight. Over 20 pounds in all (most of it came back - that wasn’t the point). Yes, if you eat less, you lose weight- there is no metabolic trick. But “eating less” isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. It is not easy to eat less without weird unsustainable diets imposed by the mind. Eating less in a good way means claiming more of that divine spaciousness in our busy modern lives to eat slowly and consciously, with pleasure, to our body’s fulfillment - rather than hurriedly or under stress or while listening, talking, reading, scrolling... or to numb out or be social… or exhaustedly without presence - whatever we do.
Our bodies stash junk in fat cells, so I was happy to bid them farewell - I now had cleaner cellular closets, no longer crammed with old chemicals and tensions.
the science of fasting.
Fasting has been used for millenia by humans to gain spiritual clarity and to heal. Fasting is the primary way that animals heal themselves when they’re sick or injured. Modern medical literature records examples of how fasting has healed a wide range of serious health issues, ranging from cancer to epilepsy to blindness to diabetes to multiple sclerosis… the fact that institutional medicine does not recommend fasting has more to do with profit and politics than with health.
Intermittent fasting is now becoming well known and popular as a path towards better health. We North Americans eat far, far too much and bog our body down with more nourishment than we can use, given that we are also sedentary, as a rule. Excess nourishment can become injurious (especially when rancid or laced with chemicals, as modern processed food almost always is). Building in breaks to catch up and heal (intermittent fasting) can be a helpful bolster as we develop the skill of listening to our bodies’ true hunger.
Recent science tells us that in stressing the body to function without food, the body starts killing off cells that are unwell - thus promoting health, regeneration and detoxification. I am not going to dive into the science but the rabbit hole is there. I especially like the perspective of Zach Bush MD on fasting.
High-integrity science is beautiful, but scientific studies are not the main way I vet a medicine. Besides the absurd fallacy that science is unbiased, Chinese medicine cannot be evaluated by laboratory studies. How do you control variables when Chinese medicine uses completely different therapies and dosages for each person, to treat the specific pattern of each individual in the moment? As a Chinese medical practitioner I am much more interested in the data of what I am feeling in my body, and what is manifesting in my being. Or in yours. It was my inner guidance that led me to do a fasting retreat, a sense of right timing. How about you? Are you called to fast?
refeeding: the pleasure of eating & not-eating
Refeeding was by far the rockiest part of my experience. By the time my fast was over, I had identified some ideological differences with my guide’s approach - namely, that it was “one-size-fits-all”. Plus, he is a raw vegan purist. Weak Spleens need warm cooked food; transforming raw cold food takes a much stronger digestive fire. I would really hurt myself if I went raw vegan. My guide did encourage me to commit to his 6 week re-feeding protocol in order to fairly evaluate his program, and I agreed. Who knows? Maybe I’d have those famed bowel movements sent from the angels in heaven if I followed the plan, like in the testimonials of his fasting clients.
To be fair, there was another seriously weak link in my refeeding plan. To get 21 days of fasting in, I had to launch myself right out of that peaceful retreat space and into our annual mad-cap 2-week blended family camping road trip: this year, driving 1,000 miles in my SUV to visit grandparents in Thermopolis, Wyoming; then up to Cody; then through the Rockies to Taos, New Mexico; and back home again. My guide assured me that this wild west road trip would be no problem as I started to eat again. He simply said, “you’ll start to have lots of energy really soon.” And it was true - my energy did come back quickly. But that wasn’t the problem. The problem, as usual, was my guts.
I knew in my heart that this plan was madness. Over 20 years I had learned that travel, stress and wonky sleep were major triggers to my digestive freeze-pattern (severe Qi stagnation, Wood/Earth disharmony). As a parent, I know how to flow with chaos and relish it, in a masochistic life-affirming way. And I know that on a family road trip, I would have zero time to expansively sense my own being and know what I need and want at any given moment, leading to unconscious physical clenching (severe Qi stagnation). It was silly to think I could transition from 3 weeks of not eating→ to refeeding → to integrating a new relationship with my gut, while simultaneously packing and road-tripping across the American West with three almost-teenagers in an SUV. I just inexplicably knew I needed to do a 21 day fast and this was the only way to do it. In the end, I did 20 days because I simply couldn’t pack for our trip with so little energy - I needed to start eating again.
I had a bowl of perfect fruit ripening on my table for the final week of the fast, and a portable food scale so I could precisely follow the protocol on the road. And oh my goodness, my first meal, a small serving of juicy ripe farmer’s market cantaloupe, tasted so divine! I truly enjoyed those first days of refeeding on fresh gorgeous summertime California fruits. Me eating my first food below… ecstasy.
I tried, I really did. The protocol involved eating larger and larger amounts each day of fresh fruit in specific time intervals. Raw fruit is very cold and dampening to the Spleen - and mine was already weak. I chose to ABORT the protocol after 8 days when my body’s messages got too loud to overrule.
The idea is that with all this fiber-rich water-filled fruit, you finish rehydrating your gut and within days you should start eliminating mountains of old hard plaque that have loosened from the lining of the gut during the fast. My guide said it can take a few long fasts if the digestion is really compromised - which mine clearly was. But I was hoping I would get some clearing - and it didn’t exactly happen that way.
In fact, I became horrifically blocked up upon refeeding, and after eight days of brain fog, irritability, severe bloating, discomfort, and exhaustion, I threw in the towel and tracked down purgative herbs (senna) in Cody, WY. After taking the senna, I had my first real bowel movement in almost a month, and left my old material in Leadville, Colorado, the highest place in the country, at over 10,000 feet - apparently my guts wanted full dramatic effect. The next instant - literally before I left the restroom - I discovered with horror that I had severe edema from the navel down. My ankles were gone. My shoes didn’t fit because my feet were puffballs. My thighs and belly were huge and jiggly. My legs ached with the swollen pressure. I was freaked out.
My agni had gotten so weak that I was no longer transforming the waters of my body - and they were overflowing into my tissues. I had never had anything like this before. The kids were shocked with morbid awe. It matched the pattern of Spleen Yang deficiency - the pathology of Cold Spleen had gone deeper. I was concerned, of course, and scrapped the raw thing and began incorporating broths and cooked meat and vegetables. Instant organic miso packets were suddenly my savior. I handed over the wheel to Garrett - pressing the gas pedal hurt my swollen feet - and instead put my feet on terrible display on the passenger side dashboard to elevate. It took several weeks of food, herbs and yoga to get my digestion happening again on its own, and to clear the excess water. I am fully recovered and grateful for the experience - now when people come into my clinic with edema, I have an embodied way of relating to what is going on (Spleen, Lungs, Kidney imbalance) and a solid approach to treatment.
9 months later my digestion is probably stronger than it has ever been in my adult life. As I rebuild my agni, I no longer drink puehr all day long (my body just doesn’t like it anymore); I eat more hydrating foods; and I have a new perspective from the clarity of the fast. I’ve shifted the way that I parent, stagnant energy in my family relationships has started to transform, my home is becoming more aligned, and I now go to bed earlier and get more sleep. I have restored a daily yoga practice for the first time since becoming a mother. I’m feeling happier and more alive. All this integration has taken almost 9 months - so the change, after all, was on a slow earth timescale. The long fast was an active prayer to invite a completely new chapter. Because that was the medicine I needed.
Every season of our life calls for different ceremonies, different rituals, different punctuations and amplifications. In Abalone’s Embody Chinese Medicine Circles we listen deeply together and discover what those might be. Which profound subtle changes are being called for by our inner knowing? I am always in awe of how each of us knows. When we get quiet, and get witnessed - we know.
future fast
There is no one “healing diet” that you can set in motion and never think about again - we always need to listen and respond to life’s rhythms and our shifting bodies, based on activity, hydration, sleep… the seasons, the weather. Fasting is a way of pulling back from the all the cultural chatter about keto, vs raw, vs vegan, vs juice cleanse, vs macrobiotic, vs GAPS, vs FODMAP, vs vs vs…
I now hold fasting with a more feminine energy. Creating a spaciousness container for expansive listening and allowing *what is*. To let your body do deep-internal healing. To rehydrate. Think about how much time you spend snacking, eating meals, drinking drinks, buying food, preparing food, digesting food, eliminating waste. It is amazing what happens when all that noise temporarily falls away.
Access to nature is an absolute must. The wild elements offer their wisdom and inform the healing. The number of days, or what you eat when you’re done, should be divined by you, with guidance that feels right for you. I can help.
Each fast is a lived poem - not a scientific experiment. Who knows how refeeding would have gone if I hadn’t been on the road, or how cold my spleen would have become if I had been in a warm place instead of sleeping outdoors. Who knows whether I’d have had the same healing of my spirit without the redwoods and oaks and deer and coyote and creek that surrounded my outdoor bedroom day and night. It was not perfect, but it was exactly what it was supposed to be - embedded in my rich and paradoxical human life.
Developing practices like this, to access our inner guidance, is a revolutionary act. It is pleasurable. It is one of our birthrights, and no matter what may come, we can lean on these practices of internal alchemy, to build community around getting radically resilient and creating the emerging world with beauty of our own design.
I am a Chinese medicine practitioner, working primarily with herbs, acupuncture and in-depth elemental diagnosis, lifestyle guidance, and guiding people to track their body’s messages. I work in person and through telemedicine. If you resonate with my approach, reach out here with inquiries or bookings.